Pt 3 Hardened Hearts: How to Heal and Stay Healed

ave you ever noticed your heart growing cold toward God or others? Maybe life’s disappointments have left you guarded or numb. You’re not alone—many believers struggle with hardened hearts without realizing it. In this post, I share what God taught me about my hardened heart, how He led me through healing, and how to keep your heart soft and responsive to Him. We'll continue discussing the issues of Hardened Hearts and how to heal and stay healed.

Are You Trying to Heal Your Heart?

Healing from a hardened heart doesn’t happen overnight. Only God can truly soften it, but we can cooperate with Him in the process. Hearts have been a very important issue to God with His people both now and historically in the Bible. He is very concerned for the hearts of His people because hearts are involved in every part of us even down to our obedience and receiving from Him. Here’s what the Lord showed me on my own journey.

Healing is Possible Despite Our Current or Past Reality

During journaling one day, the Lord asked me what I dreamed of doing with Him. I didn’t think any of it was possible. But He told me it was—if I would let Him heal my heart of stone. Of course, I knew God loved me, but I did NOT feel it. I wanted more than anything to know it personally.

Walls Around the Heart

Somehow, there was a disconnect between my mind and my heart. For years I felt unworthy and not good enough in relationships. Pain and disappointment-built walls around my heart that I thought were protecting me—but they were actually keeping me from love, both God’s and others’.  It was a product of disappointments and traumas I just didn't know how to fix. It stayed with me for many years until the Holy Spirit revealed it to me.

Lies that Harden the Heart

The enemy works hard to get us to believe lies based on our experiences. Why? Because if he can get us to believe it (through negative experiences) then it will

be our reality. This reality will manifest in

our words, attitudes, and eventually our lives. According to Proverbs 18:21, the types of words created here will create death in our lives instead of blessings.

When these words come out of our mouths, they actually curse the ones talked about, but they also harden our hearts. Unfortunately, we may not know a problem exists (If we have experienced them as children) until adulthood when our lives start going directions we don't like. By then we don't even know why they are happening to us

When Our Hardened Hearts Block God’s Love

 God knew I needed healing to live out my calling. But my walls blocked His love. Even after forgiving people, I kept repeating emotional cycles—proof that time alone doesn’t heal wounds; only God does. These same repeated cycles kept me from healing fully.

Hardened Hearts Blind Us Spiritually

The Holy Spirit revealed that my unforgiveness was blinding me. Ephesians 4:18 (below) warns that hardened hearts darken our understanding and separate us from the life of God.  I always thought I would be able to see wrong and right in my life. I am thankful to God that He showed me my issue. I might not have received it from anyone else.

"...being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart;" Ephesians 4:18

Hurt and Offense: Open Doors for the Enemy

I once thought others were my biggest source of pain—but I discovered I was often the one keeping those wounds alive. When we justify our hurt instead of releasing it, the enemy gains access to our hearts. It sounds easy to see in others, but when it happens to you, it can be overwhelming.

The Word of God: Our “Glasses” of Truth

God told me to “see with glasses”—His Word. Reading isn’t enough; we must apply it. A hardened heart blocks spiritual flow, but abiding in God’s Word brings freedom (John 8:31–32).

 ^" “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:31-32

Let me now share with you, "The Glasses" that were shown to me. It was humbling to me because I knew some of this already, yet I had allowed myself to be deceived by not being a doer of the Word.

1. Love Is the Key

God kept asking me to love others. I thought I was, but I still took offense too easily. He showed me love means overlooking offenses before they wound. Mercy—not judgment—is His priority (Matthew 9:13).

2. Refuse Hurt and Live in Peace

I realized I was choosing to stay hurt. Psalm 119:165 says, “Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.” Peace guards our hearts when we pray and release pain to God (Philippians 4:6–7).

3. Be Unoffendable

We all face hurt—but how we respond shapes our future. Psalm 81:11–12 warns that resisting God’s ways leads to stubbornness. True maturity means walking in humility, patience, and love (Colossians 3:12–14).

4. Know Your Identity in Christ

Understanding who we are in Christ is vital. When we replace lies with truth, our hearts begin to heal. Knowing we are loved, chosen, and secure in Him restores peace and confidence. Here is just a few of the items that make up our identity in Christ. Let them ruminate in your heart and mind. Knowing what we have available to us also gives us reassurance to counteract lies that we have believed.

5. Trust God with Your Heart

When Jesus suffered, He didn’t retaliate—He trusted God (1 Peter 2:23). God sees our pain in dealing with others and renews our strength when we wait on Him (Isaiah 40:25–31). The key is just forgiving right away.

6. Be Willing to Hear Truth

Admitting stubbornness was hard for me, but Proverbs 11:20 reminded me that the wholehearted are God’s delight. As I prayed for a soft heart and practiced Philippians 4:8, peace replaced pride.

7. Crucify the Flesh

Jesus tore the veil of His flesh to give us access to the Father. Likewise, we must tear our own “flesh curtain” of pride and offense to receive His heart for us fully. (He has so much to relay to us!) Without love, our spiritual gifts lose their power (1 John 3:14–17). We must have love for our brothers and sisters. It is the way we know we have moved out death and into life in Jesus! God IS love!

Final Encouragement & Prayer

Let’s trust God to change our hearts of stone into hearts of flesh (Ezekiel 11:19–20). As we declare scriptures from the Word in prayer, we become more aware of what God requires of us to be softened. Then as we forgive, yield, and walk in love every day, we will change. In this change, the Lord will be pleased. As He is pleased in us, He will change our hearts to flesh again. Let's pray together.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for Your love and patience with us in the process of healing our hearts. Heal every heart of stone reading this post, and make it tender again. We renounce any pride, offence, or lack of love we have been in agreement with, and I ask that You forgive us for holding on to offence from others.

We extend forgiveness to those that have hurt us now and we choose love. Help us see the Truth of Your Word so that we may understand and obey you with a new tenderness than we ever have had before.

Cover us in the Blood of Jesus and help us have the kind of mercy, grace, and love, for others that Jesus would want us to have. Help us love with the love of Jesus. Give us strength to lay down our flesh and everything that we have tried to protect, knowing that we are not suffering alone but rather, we are walking together in the steps of our Savior.

Replace the perceived or actual pain received from others with healing and may the joy of the Lord fill each part of us. May each of our hearts be made new and pleasing to You so that we may walk renewed, refreshed, sensitive, and in step with You again.

In Jesus’ mighty name!

Amen!

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