Hearts of Stone: An Epidemic of Broken Hearts Needing Love

by Sharla Fauver

In a world of fast-paced living, supersized drinks, coffee on the run, and conveniences galore, people are still people. Our inner selves are starving for love not just from ourselves but from others, too. We, as a society, try to make everything convenient, prepackaged, and disposable, but our inner heart health is just not something that we can skimp over or fix like the fast-food lane. If we try to fix it quickly, it manifests back in us, in sometimes extremely painful ways. There's a generation of hearts of stone out there and it's nothing short of an epidemic of hearts needing love.

Hearts of Stone

These hardened hearts are everywhere, and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. So many people are short on time and patience, and it shows up in relationships, working environments, customer service, public offices, churches, and much more. People are offended, hurt, and feel like they are owed respect that they are not getting. If that isn’t enough, they are also offended by people’s clothing, scoffing at each other and even in each other’s political party choices. The sad reality is this is not only descriptive of the world as a whole, but also the Church. This epidemic of broken hearts needing love must stop with the Church if it ever has a hope of stopping anywhere else.

 My Broken, Stoney Heart

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was deep in the Secret Place with the Lord. I had worshipped Him and finally I was right there with Him, listening to His every word. We chatted about some things and then He made a statement that I will never forget. We were chatting

about how I ended up with Him, hearing Him as I did. It had nothing to do with my achievements. He made it clear: “Sharla, your heart got you everywhere!” (With Him.) I remember thinking, “Aww, that is so sweet!” But He wasn’t meaning it that way at the time. It took me nearly a year down the road to realize it, but I finally figured out what He meant. He began to talk to me about my heart, and not in a beautiful kind of way. The Holy Spirit began to slowly but surely reveal to me ways that I had let my heart harden.

“Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart.” Ephesians 4:17-18 ESV

I was a believer. I knew Jesus, but my mind was not fully renewed. So, in essence, I was just like the Gentiles listed in Ephesians 4:17-18 above. I had no clue that I had a hardened heart then, and if anyone had even asked me if I had one, I would have vehemently denied it. It evoked images of Pharoah and the Pharisees within my imagination. The Bible said they had a hardened heart, and I wasn’t like them, or so I thought. 

More Than Just Stubbornness and Unbelief

The ones in the Bible with hardened hearts were definitely those I didn’t want to be like. I had no intention of being that way on purpose. How could Jesus be telling me that I was like them? I trusted Him to tell me the truth though, and at the end of the day, I didn't want to be on the opposite side of the 'buck stops here' line.

After seeking the Lord in the Secret Place and then finding Him— or rather His bringing me in through His mercy— I had absolutely NO desire to be on the opposite side of Him in any shape or form. As a result, I listened and learned from Him. I learned that having a hardened heart was more than stubbornness or unbelief. There was so much more to hardened hearts than that. It can involve broken hearts, disappointment, and unhealed wounds. It has everything to do with what you believe about yourself or a situation. If your belief does not match His then there is a problem.

Wow, that had my address all over it. 

Hearts are Like the Filter for Life’s Circumstances

In my life, I had endured much emotional trauma. Much of what caused it was my own unrenewed mind. I wanted God to save me from my pain, and I cried out to Him about it. He answered me, but not entirely the way I expected. His loving intent did save me from my pain, but He taught me what I wasn't fully understanding directly, so I could be free to teach others how to be free.

It has taken me a while, if I may be 100% honest with you. I felt like a child banging their head against the wall on most good days. I hadn't monitored my heart through the years or kept it. It was like an unkept garden, and when those get out of hand all kinds of things grow there; pests call it home, and then trying to clean it up after the fact is a huge chore. Many people don't even bother with it at all. They may think, "No one sees it, right? It will be fine," but it truly it is NOT fine. Not even a little bit.

Stoney Hearts Needing Love

See hardened hearts have everything to do with how we react to life’s circumstances, too. John Piper from Desiring God Ministries spoke of this in a very interesting way. I know now that hardened hearts need love but to some degree, as he puts it, it does come from their own stubbornness of heart. It is willful on their part (Even if they don't think they are really denying the Truth.) and they are in deception by our own passions which aren't of God. Wow.

Believing a Lie

I know for me; I struggled with overeating. I wanted so badly to lose weight. I have been through every diet imaginable, yo-yoing back and forth, low carb, low fat, high protein, Keto, fasting--nothing seemed to work. It has been a lifelong challenge for me. Early on, it is what led me to seek help at a mentorship in deliverance. I had to get to the bottom of things. I thought for sure it was a spiritual issue, but no matter what I did, I couldn't get free no matter how many times I told devils where to go. It was rooted in my hardness of heart. This was just one of the ways it manifested in my life. And my overeating was for many reasons, but get this, the main reason? I didn't know God's love experientially. I knew it, but I couldn't feel it. This, along with many other relationships in my life. Let me share Romans 1:18 and Ephesians 4:21-23:

"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth". Rom 1:18 NIV

"Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy." Eph. 4:21-23 NLT

Suppressing Truth: Believing My Own Experience Over Truth

I suppressed the Truth that God really did love me. I didn't have to eat to feel better about myself or my circumstances. I was also made to be free from sin. I believed the lie that told me I needed food for comfort and that God didn't care about me or that He wasn't enough to satisfy me. I remember praying to just be 'satisfied.' For the longest time, I thought that was the reason I kept eating when I got upset. It wasn't.

I didn't believe that God was enough to comfort and calm me and love me within whatever I was going through. He is. He truly is my precious friends. If you need help here, I have more for you. The truth is, He is for both of those things and so much more. I loved God, but I hadn't known the satisfaction of His Presence until I found Him in the Secret place. As I said before, He found me, but it changed my life forever.

 "...for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things. Psalm 107:9

“You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing.” Psalm 145:16

Unnecessary Suffering

While teaching me in the secret place, the Lord was sharing His heart for so many just like me. He saw their suffering and it was totally unnecessary. He showed me that being free will call for an honest change in how one thinks. Those of us carrying this hardened heart are literally starving for love every day. People with hardened hearts have an inability to adequately receive love or show love, although they might feel they are just fine. Proverbs 4:23 tells us:

 “Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23 AMPC

Hardened Hearts Affect Every Issue in Your Life

Hardened hearts can impact every part of your life. How? Well, Proverbs 4:23 tells us that out of it flows the issues of life. The heart is literally the seat of our emotions, motivation, and passion to do or achieve anything in life. Strong’s concordance Greek 2588 tells us that the heart is the mind, character, inner self, will,

and intention center of a person. It is the core of your person and character. If you have walls on your heart, it impairs all of this. It literally changes what your personality was made to be in Christ.

Proverbs 4:23 communicates no specific issue in life, but rather any and ALL springs of life you deal with. You look at life through your heart like a lens. If it’s hurting, you will view your life through pain, as well as others through that same lens. If it’s guarded and insensitive you will be untrusting, and somewhat hardened in every area of life in some way as long as the walls are still there.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26 AMPC

Many Types of Experiences Can Cause Hardened Hearts

 Hearts of stone can result from many different types of experiences in life. Something happens to these hearts along the way in life, like pain, struggles, hurts, and disappointments, sometimes unbelief, and walls are put up in defense to ‘protect’ the heart. These walls protect, but they also keep the heart from sensitivity to external stimuli. Particularly in regard to relationships, love, situations, and sometimes, empathy, even impacting us spiritually in hearing God speak to us!

Since there's more than one or two ways to have a heart of stone, that means each person’s heart is a puzzle needing individual help to heal. The same heart that felt it needed protection (and so it put up walls) also needs love, that they can't adequately receive because of it. That is why there is an epidemic of both believers and nonbelievers alike that have this, and they are many times, totally unaware. This could be why there is an unimaginable number of divorces in this country every year. If one spouse cannot feel the love of the other and is unwilling to look inside for a change, then there are many times, irreconcilable differences.

“You were taught to change the way you were living. The person you used to be will ruin you through desires that deceive you.” Ephesians 4:22

Will You Take the Key to Breakthrough if Given to You?

If someone had been through the same thing you were going through and had the key to breakthrough in their hand to give it to you, would you take it? Of course you would!  If you don’t think you need it, though, you may not even care. I tell you that many aren’t even aware and may not even care about their hearts. You may not even recognize a problem until your world starts falling apart in a way you didn’t see coming.

Are you suffering in the heart? Are you overly sensitive about how others treat you? Wounds from your past that seem to define you? Troubled relationships? Addictions? It’s hard to live in this world and not have any of these things going on within. I have to frequently bring myself back to John 10:10 to remember what my enemy’s agenda for my life is. I don’t want to align with him. If you are suffering today, you are aligning with his plan for your life:

“The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it [a]overflows).” John 10:10 AMPC 

The Zoe Life Demonstrates the Life God Intends for His Children

Jesus came to not only give us eternal life with Him when we die, but He also came to give us a fulfilling life now!  This is not some concept of ‘pie in the sky.’ This is Truth for you and me now. This is the concept of a ‘Zoe’ life. Zoe is the Greek word for ‘life’. If you have a hardened heart, you are not experiencing this kind of victorious Christian life. When the word, ‘Zoe’ is studied out, it is super abundant life! This is an abundant life in what Jesus, our Savior purchased for us upon the Cross that He died on for you and me.

That kind of life isn’t just one day when we all get to heaven. It is that life, (eternal) but it is also that kind of life now. Not sure of that? Take a look at this post for more info on the Zoe life. I list all the scriptures that I found helpful on it. I’ll let you decide for yourself what the promises of God’s Word show us. I found that it is both spiritual life abundance and physical life abundance—now. Praise God! 

Let me take this moment to remind you of God’s good intentions for all who believe in Him:

Healing from Hardened Hearts is Possible But We Must be Willing to Listen

As you can already see, having and keeping a hardened heart causes problems for the one who has it and also more problems in the long run. God has a wonderful healing plan in mind for us if we will first let go of our need to hang onto wounds, pain, unbelief, unforgiveness, or any kind of pride. I know I risk sounding insensitive here but hear me out.

God has wonderful plan for our lives, period, and it does not necessitate our need to protect our hearts. It involves us having a soft heart and sensitive heart towards Him. It involves truly desiring to KNOW HIM and knowing His ways. Everyone must go through some sort of difficulty in life in order to learn and grow. We all do, especially as believers. It's honestly how we are wired. We learn obedience through what we suffer. Even Jesus did that. (Hebrews 5:8)

For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His footsteps: / “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in His mouth.” / When they heaped abuse on Him, He did not retaliate; when He suffered, He made no threats, but entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly. ... 1 Peter 2:21-24

If We Don't Learn We Become Hardened

If we never learn from experiences we go through, utilizing God's Word as our example and guide, we become hardened through pain and struggle in it instead of victorious. God's intention is always that we be victorious. A faith that is never tested is not really faith. If we don't know Truth, it cannot set us free. This is why mind renewal and guarding our hearts is so important. We should be praying Ezekiel 36:26:

 "And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart." Ezekiel 36:26 NLT

Stoney hearts are exactly what happened to the Children of Israel. Even though they had seen amazing miracles and wonders they didn't know God or His ways. They truly didn't want to know His ways, but even when they tried, they couldn't understand. They allowed the pain, suffering, and trial to harden them, make them stubborn and stiff necked. Those effects kept them further from understanding God's ways. The walls further made them insensitive to Him and His voice or leading. Their hearts did not long for His ways. If we find ourselves here, we need to pray:

"Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me." Psalm 51:10 NLT

Conclusion  

God has many reasons for why He asks us to obey Him, and I promise you it is never to hurt us. His intent on our obedience is always for our good. Will you allow pain and struggle to harden you or help you learn that God is faithful to you? Give Him the chance today. I promise you that He was for you then and He is for you now. Be willing to see things from His perspective. He will never steer you wrong.

He won't skimp on your heart healing like stopping into a fast-food lane for a quick fix. He knows what it will take to heal it correctly--even seeing the hidden things that you can't. The process can be long, but with mind renewal, faith and trust in Him, you can be restored again, and that is totally worth the cost. There is hope. Hearts can be healed, and with God's help, I will show you how you can also have a heart of flesh again.

Stay tuned for the next blog in this series of hardened hearts. We'll present an inventory of symptoms and manifestations, and you can see if this is something you may be dealing with. You never know if it just might be the long sought out elusive answer that you've been needing. I am praying for your breakthrough today!

If you would like to know more about how to receive Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, you've come to the right place! We have just the post for you. There is so much more if you are thirsty to learn more about intimacy with Christ. There are more posts about journaling in the secret place and also learning to walk in the Spirit. If you would like to see more prophetic words, there are more here.